The Inevitable "Search Term" Post

Visitors to this website come from all over the world, but every now and then they arrive in bunches that just defy that god of the secularist, statistics. Like, Canadians will stay away for weeks as if I've said something rude and they're too polite to tell me, and then inside of five minutes three guys from Edmonton will arrive. I had a visitor from Greenland once. I didn't even know people lived there, let alone people with computers. But yeah, Greenland. One guy defies statistics there.

Lately, the anomalies have been bunching up around search terms. A while back it was, "Ukrainian women will sleep with you on romance tours." Then today, in the space of three hours, these two: "Stupid Russian brides" and "Ukrainian brides for everybody." (For those curious about the latter, it is not a Ukrainian politician attempting a chicken-in-every-pot, last-ditch vote-grab before the March elections. The visitor came from Algeria (and perhaps we should consider this a victory. That's one less person searching for those Mohammed cartoons, which was what I was doing when I came upon Clifford the Big Red Dog, below, and learned of his role in advancing the Homosexual Agenda.))

Spay and neuter your pets, people. Remember. Spay and neuter your pets.

But where was I? Searches, yes. It'd probably make for a good coffee table book -- the searches that brought people here, with a nice little artistic representation of each. Carolyn, you reading? Get your camera ready. I think it's a great idea, yes?

I've had some real sad ones. I remember one from Pakistan or India. "Brothels that take deformed men." Then one from Estonia that was so long I could only think the user imagined Google to be the Oracle at Delphi. She wrote, and I'm paraphrasing but not exaggerating, "What to do when you're a 59-year-old woman and your 56-year-old husband is sleeping with young women much much younger than him."

The answer, apparently, look for a "mail-order bride."

I must be the Statue of Liberty of blogs. Bring me your tired, your desperate, your confused and your crazy. Give me your deformed and your lustful, your Estonian house-wives and your Indian amputees. Give me your lonely men in Montana.