Today was a normal day in Ukraine

My doctor prescribed rigorous and regular sexual activity, I bought bed linens by the kilogram, and was shown where I'd been living since my arrival, at least according to my papers, in case the police ever ask. "And if they do come," G. said, "the rector"--I forget the word he used--"she will show them to a room and say you live there but are not home right now.'" Oh yeah, one more thing: one of my colleagues at the university pursed his lips and nodded his head real slow, as he does when considering cultural differences, after I told him that in the University of California system, you're actually asked to never speak to a student with your office door closed, not to make sure you don't develop intellectual intimacy or say anything you wouldn't want every strange passerby to know, but to stave off a possible sexual harrasment lawsuit.